Well, I'll be. I wouldn't believe it unless I had written it myself-- i feel hopeful.
I have not felt hopeful the past week or so. No, sir. Not at all. Interestingly enough, in the first week of my time here in philadelphia and my first few experiences with the TFA machine, the head of the philadelphia-camden TFA region facilitated a session on blogging. Yes, blogging. We spent a good 45 minutes listening to Mr. Mike Wang insist that he wasn't forbidding certain information in our blogs, but that he was strongly suggesting we be responsible bloggers. do it for the kids. (Yes there is hardly one aspect of our life that this TOTAL INSTITUTION has not at least tried to touch... for better or worse)
Perhaps it is a sign then of my total conformity to the TFA ideal that I have not in my angst turned to this public posting opportunity this past week. I have wanted to show a little discretion in my venting about the Machine. TFA might rather me say the Movement. Regardless, I haven't typed tearful, angry, exclamation point inundated posts this week. Looks like the Wangster even reached the likes of me.
I honestly cannot put my finger on why the smile comes sincerely and spontaneously from my mouth this morning. I have four days left here at Institute and I still don't know about my housing. I hardly know my roommates. I have doubts about my place in the high-energy, high-stress Machine. excuse me-- Movement. And still I am missing Morganne's week before her wedding. Still I cannot be near my family on a hard weekend.
As I think throughout this whole experience in the place where-I-think-They-might-send-bad-people, I have mostly felt stressed about all of these unknowns in my life. Not excited. Not intrigued or thrilled or grateful. Just stressed. and burdened. Mostly alone. This morning the independence feels a little more exhilarating. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Exhilarating is a strong word. I just mean that I could see how all of this might be reason for a little excitement. That's all.
Which honestly, is a huge step for me and so I am grateful. Grateful just for this morning and the twinge of happiness I feel. Twinges seem seismic in my rather unhappy life of late. So yay for twinges. Thank God for twinges. Keep praying for twinges. I love you. I miss you. Keep in touch.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Boundaries.
Today I saw a 5 minute quiz on the msn homepage that was titled, "are you stressed?" I considered taking it but decided I didn't have time. Which leads me to believe that the population sample this quiz is reaching is not the TRULY stressed folks; us folks are much too busy to take a 5 minute quiz to discover if we are overextended!
Secret's out. Katie has sold her soul to the TFA machine. I have never known this kind of stress before. By "this kind" I mean the kind of stress that is work-related. That physically breaks you down until sleep stalks you and pounces any time you are still and warm. (Which for me is often, considering that 7/8 of my day is spent sitting in classrooms that have no AC) We ride good old fashioned yellow buses to and from school... even stickly vinyl seats don't stop my little head from dropping to the seat in front of me.
Turns out being a teacher means living a rather grueling lifestyle. Especially if you do it excellently. That is the TFA way. And now that is my way. As each passes I am becoming more invested in my students. I will only have them for 2 1/2 more weeks. While I am teaching really dry material (analyzing informational texts), I have come to enjoy my time interacting with the kids.
I am forcing myself to type this post. I think that I need to learn how to make time for things like this and phone calls and visits home. Honestly, now that I am invested I feel as though every minute of my day is really precious. It is tempting to spend all those minutes planning for classes. I recognize the need for boundaries. So this is me trying to make them. Cheers!
Secret's out. Katie has sold her soul to the TFA machine. I have never known this kind of stress before. By "this kind" I mean the kind of stress that is work-related. That physically breaks you down until sleep stalks you and pounces any time you are still and warm. (Which for me is often, considering that 7/8 of my day is spent sitting in classrooms that have no AC) We ride good old fashioned yellow buses to and from school... even stickly vinyl seats don't stop my little head from dropping to the seat in front of me.
Turns out being a teacher means living a rather grueling lifestyle. Especially if you do it excellently. That is the TFA way. And now that is my way. As each passes I am becoming more invested in my students. I will only have them for 2 1/2 more weeks. While I am teaching really dry material (analyzing informational texts), I have come to enjoy my time interacting with the kids.
I am forcing myself to type this post. I think that I need to learn how to make time for things like this and phone calls and visits home. Honestly, now that I am invested I feel as though every minute of my day is really precious. It is tempting to spend all those minutes planning for classes. I recognize the need for boundaries. So this is me trying to make them. Cheers!
Friday, July 4, 2008
Fake it 'til you make it
The 4th of july 2 years ago found me eating hot dogs and cole slaw in arusha, tanzania. Last year the Fourth meant an evening not-so-softly crying as I watched "A Mighty Heart" with Sonya. And this year time finds me in Philadelphia, PA more than likely watching a John Legend concert followed by a big ol' Philly fireworks show. I cannot believe that I am here. That I have actually decided to move to Philadelphia and start from scratch. Just between you and me, I have no idea how I got here.
Yet here I am. I have survived the first week of Institute. "Survival" is a fitting word, by the way. If you include lesson-planning and workshops in the evenings, I have been working 15 hour days with late nights and early wake-up calls. In addition, I am essentially learning a new language. My small group (officially called "CMA group") and I counted the other day and came up with at least 30 acronyms that we had learned in the past week. And that's just acronyms. It is unbelievable. I am excited about this weekend for a number of reasons; one big one being to rediscover myself and resist assimilation. Yikes.
I begin teaching summer school on Monday. English II. Nonfiction. I am looking forward to that. Meaning, I have my sights set on that. Not, like, I am really excited about that. As it is, we have been preparing for every last thing that could go wrong. We are to anticipate everything. So I think I am feeling a little psyched out. I look forward to getting that first day behind me and then moving forward with some real experience. I am worried about convincing the kids that I am actually a teacher. But my CS (ahem, Curriculum Specialist) tells me to "fake it 'til you make it" So that's what I'm going to do.
I miss all of you. I still get those waves of homesickness; but I stay busy enough now that they are coming less frequently than before. I bet I will really miss you when I watch the fireworks tonight. As much as I love fireworks, they always make me a little sad. I think that's because I love them so much. And I want to share my love with those that I care about. But you won't be here!
The fireworks example is a good microcosm of my struggle at large. It is hard to start a new life. I miss my family. I miss my friends. The trick is being fully here despite your distance. I am getting out of bed every morning, though, and giving it a go. So I'll keep on doing that and hope that it gets a little less difficult each morning.
I love you all. Happy 4th.
Yet here I am. I have survived the first week of Institute. "Survival" is a fitting word, by the way. If you include lesson-planning and workshops in the evenings, I have been working 15 hour days with late nights and early wake-up calls. In addition, I am essentially learning a new language. My small group (officially called "CMA group") and I counted the other day and came up with at least 30 acronyms that we had learned in the past week. And that's just acronyms. It is unbelievable. I am excited about this weekend for a number of reasons; one big one being to rediscover myself and resist assimilation. Yikes.
I begin teaching summer school on Monday. English II. Nonfiction. I am looking forward to that. Meaning, I have my sights set on that. Not, like, I am really excited about that. As it is, we have been preparing for every last thing that could go wrong. We are to anticipate everything. So I think I am feeling a little psyched out. I look forward to getting that first day behind me and then moving forward with some real experience. I am worried about convincing the kids that I am actually a teacher. But my CS (ahem, Curriculum Specialist) tells me to "fake it 'til you make it" So that's what I'm going to do.
I miss all of you. I still get those waves of homesickness; but I stay busy enough now that they are coming less frequently than before. I bet I will really miss you when I watch the fireworks tonight. As much as I love fireworks, they always make me a little sad. I think that's because I love them so much. And I want to share my love with those that I care about. But you won't be here!
The fireworks example is a good microcosm of my struggle at large. It is hard to start a new life. I miss my family. I miss my friends. The trick is being fully here despite your distance. I am getting out of bed every morning, though, and giving it a go. So I'll keep on doing that and hope that it gets a little less difficult each morning.
I love you all. Happy 4th.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Induction... Check.
Hello, all! Post #2 in what I hope to be a long string of posts that track my journey here in Philadelphia. Today is transition day between Induction and Institute. Induction was a week that just the Philadelphia/Camden region spent together at UPenn. "Institute" refers to this next month in which all of us Corps Members will participate in high intensity training for teaching. Pardon the naivete, but I honestly feel like Institute might be something like boot camp. They break us down and then recast us... in this case, they recast us into crazy committed teachers that propel their students to achieve 2-3 years of learning growth in the span of one year. I like a challenge, though. And in this case, I have this extremely motivating reason to succeed-- students that need me. Despite all of the doubts and complaints and homesickness some of you might have heard from me this week, I am mostly really grateful to be part of Teach for America's work.
In one of (too) many ice breakers this week at Induction we were asked to choose three words to describe our experience so far. I chose social, band-aids, and enlightening. (Side note: another ice breaker was one of those desert island ones. Specifically-- what one condiment would you bring? Info on the Yankee crazies: none of them said ketchup! I prefer to think of that question as more objective than subjective. Correct answer: Heinz 57)
Social: I honestly didn't think I had it in me.... that is, the ability to make mindless conversation 180 times over. It was mostly unavoidable. Every hour of every day that we were not in a meeting was spent walking to meetings, eating, or mixing at some predetermined social opportunity out in the city. That is a round-a-bout way of saying that I had no time alone. Translation: Katie felt strung out.
Band-Aids: As it turns out, good shoes are worth the investment. Wearing dress shoes 12 hours a day wears and tears on my no-longer-so-delicate feetsies.
Enlightening: I learned a whole lot about Teach for America (hereafter, TFA). To name a few: where their money comes from, history in Philly, and their philosophy of education. I feel a good bit on board with what they are about. Though I wonder if that will change? I will keep you updated.
I also saw the light in regards to the kind of schedule I will be keeping this summer and beyond. Hence the boot camp comparison above. 5:00 wake up calls are for the birds.
Whoever is reading this: I guarantee that I miss you. The past 24 hours, however, have seen some alleviation in the homesick department. Thanks to some prayer and a little bit o' gumption. Turns out transitioning is really hard; especially when you leave the A-team behind. But God is faithful. Amen? Amen.
In one of (too) many ice breakers this week at Induction we were asked to choose three words to describe our experience so far. I chose social, band-aids, and enlightening. (Side note: another ice breaker was one of those desert island ones. Specifically-- what one condiment would you bring? Info on the Yankee crazies: none of them said ketchup! I prefer to think of that question as more objective than subjective. Correct answer: Heinz 57)
Social: I honestly didn't think I had it in me.... that is, the ability to make mindless conversation 180 times over. It was mostly unavoidable. Every hour of every day that we were not in a meeting was spent walking to meetings, eating, or mixing at some predetermined social opportunity out in the city. That is a round-a-bout way of saying that I had no time alone. Translation: Katie felt strung out.
Band-Aids: As it turns out, good shoes are worth the investment. Wearing dress shoes 12 hours a day wears and tears on my no-longer-so-delicate feetsies.
Enlightening: I learned a whole lot about Teach for America (hereafter, TFA). To name a few: where their money comes from, history in Philly, and their philosophy of education. I feel a good bit on board with what they are about. Though I wonder if that will change? I will keep you updated.
I also saw the light in regards to the kind of schedule I will be keeping this summer and beyond. Hence the boot camp comparison above. 5:00 wake up calls are for the birds.
Whoever is reading this: I guarantee that I miss you. The past 24 hours, however, have seen some alleviation in the homesick department. Thanks to some prayer and a little bit o' gumption. Turns out transitioning is really hard; especially when you leave the A-team behind. But God is faithful. Amen? Amen.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Freshness
Today is my first blog post. I opted for a blog over the mass email option. Somewhere out there are internet users that care for updates on my small, albeit full, life. This is for them. It's prettier than a mass email, don't you think?
Tomorrow morning at 6:10 a.m. I leave for Philadelphia to begin my newest stage of life. All things will be new.
New job. No more waitressing at Russo's Restaurant. I hit my threshold for toting gumbo at about month five. Three weeks after quitting I am now feeling the burden of no paycheck. That's alright, though. Soon I will begin my lucrative teaching career and do away with all financial stress.
New culture. It is time to venture north of the Mason-Dixon Line. I will keep you updated on the Yankee-crazies.
New climate. Just the other day I was discussing my favorite season with a friend. "I love the fall... the colors, school supplies. But I love the spring, too, with dresses and new life. And summer! the beach! grilling out! watermelon! I guess the only season that I really don't like at all is winter." Ahem. red flag. Oh, well, this whole move is one big fat experiment. The weather could be my biggest hurdle.
The classroom might be a challenge, too.
Tomorrow morning at 6:10 a.m. I leave for Philadelphia to begin my newest stage of life. All things will be new.
New job. No more waitressing at Russo's Restaurant. I hit my threshold for toting gumbo at about month five. Three weeks after quitting I am now feeling the burden of no paycheck. That's alright, though. Soon I will begin my lucrative teaching career and do away with all financial stress.
New culture. It is time to venture north of the Mason-Dixon Line. I will keep you updated on the Yankee-crazies.
New climate. Just the other day I was discussing my favorite season with a friend. "I love the fall... the colors, school supplies. But I love the spring, too, with dresses and new life. And summer! the beach! grilling out! watermelon! I guess the only season that I really don't like at all is winter." Ahem. red flag. Oh, well, this whole move is one big fat experiment. The weather could be my biggest hurdle.
The classroom might be a challenge, too.
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